we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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