Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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