Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
