I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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