I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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