I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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