Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
