you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
