I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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