he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
