I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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