what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
