I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
