Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
