I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
