he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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