just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
