Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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