I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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