she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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