so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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