Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
