I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
