i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
