I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
