I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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