I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
