Who did Billy Mays play for?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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