it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
