I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
