respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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