I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
