My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dignity is for republicans.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
