put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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