how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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