I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We need to rekindle our bromance
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
