Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
