I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
