What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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