After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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