nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
