Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
