Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
