We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
