You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
