I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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