I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
