So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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