my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
