then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My vagina is officially offended.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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