apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
