Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
