he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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