So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
