Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
