We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
