This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
