I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
