Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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