boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
