So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
