Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
