Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
A+ Viking dick
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
