spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
