Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
