apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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