i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
