It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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