I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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