She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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