sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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