***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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