idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
