Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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