Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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