Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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