so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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