My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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