did you get engaged???
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
