Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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