Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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