It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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