So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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