When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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