My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
