at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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