Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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