I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
